Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
