I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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