i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
