im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
