maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Hippo gnu deer
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
