It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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