I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
