Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
