I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
