i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize