Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
