you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
