Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
