I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
