Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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