Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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