Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
