dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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