i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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