Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
