I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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