Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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