I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
