Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
