There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
two words...techno handjob
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
