I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
