he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
