Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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