so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
