I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
