Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
