apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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