i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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