Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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