FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
