Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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