I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
