Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
