i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
