Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
