he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Randomize
