smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
