she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
