It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
