True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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