I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
