Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
