the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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