my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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