I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
