did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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