i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
