dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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