I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
