Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i've created a new STD.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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